The Cookie Cutter Syndrome: How Comparison Stifles Happiness

Finding The Right Therapist For You

In the 1050’s psychologist Curt Richter conducted a brutal experiment on rats. He took the first group, placed them in buckets with water, and watched them swim until they drowned. The rat would swim for 2 minutes and then die. In the next group of rats, he did the same thing, let them swim until they almost drowned and he would pick them up and save them right before they were going to die. Then he would place them in the water again, and they would swim another several hours, 60 to be exact, not giving up like the first group of rats. The rat experiment shows us that there is hope in desperate times. There is an innate ability within each of us to survive when we feel like we are drowning. When we feel like giving up, there is a part in us, like these rats swimming in the water, giving us the strength we need to keep swimming in troubled times. We can find within ourselves to keep enduring even when we feel hopelessness and pain. We can find hope. Here are five coping skills to help us find hope in difficult times and painful feelings. Here are five ways to navigate through traumatic events with resilience: Make space for your feelings. When we make space for our feelings, we can acknowledge that we have feelings, and then we allow them to be there with us. We can look at our feelings in a non-judgemental way, allowing ourselves to accept what we feel. We can notice and name our feelings like, “This is sadness.” Furthermore, we can acknowledge that the experience of sadness is what we are feeling. We can take note of our feelings, thoughts and body sensations. Where do we feel the sadness in our body? How do we feel the emotion, and what is it telling us? Seek support. We can seek support from a trusted friend or therapist; this is time to ask for help. Finding someone you can talk to, and confide in, can be good for your heart and help your mind. Find reasons to live. Finding what you value and are passionate about can help give you hope. Whether it is a painting class or starting to train for your first marathon, when we have something to look forward to, something to want to do, it makes living easier. Pick out and having goals for a life worth living is an excellent way to generate hope. Start a Gratitude Log. Finding things that we can be grateful for can help us heal. It can be as simple as picking one thing a day that you are grateful for or something we loved about our day. When we look for the good in our lives, we can help our brain to rewire itself, and our patterns of thinking can change from self-defeating thoughts to positive thinking. When we can look at the good in our lives, we can begin to change our patterns of thinking. We see good more readily, and we can see the world from gratitude and thankful perspective. Get out in Nature. Studies show that when we can get out in nature, it can be as good as therapy. Try a mindful walk in nature. Listen to the wind as the leaves move in the trees. Notice the different colours you see, feel the rocks and sand on the beach and be as present as you can in nature. In an experiment using an fMRI to measure brain activity, “When participants viewed nature scenes, the parts of the brain associated with empathy and love lit up, but when they viewed urban scenes, the parts of the brain associated with fear and anxiety were activated. It appears as though nature inspires feelings that connect us and our environment.” Nature can affect us; even as small as a plant in a room makes a difference in a study. In A.A. Milne’s book, Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin says, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you will ever know." Sometimes we feel like the mouse in the experiment. We are swimming, and we feel like we are drowning. We have no control over our circumstances. We feel hopeless and exhausted by our fears, worries and emotions. Our struggle may seem hopeless, but in the struggle comes strength; we had no idea we are capable of. Acknowledge and make room in your heart to accept what you are feeling. Search for the support of someone close to you or a therapist. Keep moving forward towards the things you love most. Look for things to be grateful for in a simple small everyday experience. Get out in nature and mindfully notice what is around you. You may feel like you are struggling, but there is hope. You have the capacity to make it through trauma. Like the mouse in the experiment, you can keep swimming--You can do this! References The Remarkable Power of Hope Posted on May 7, 2014, by Joseph T. Halliman in Psychology Today The Remarkable Power of Hope How Does Nature Impact our Well Being? By Louise Delagran, MA, MEd Found on July 29th at https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/how-does-nature-impact-our-wellbeing Karmen Tuivai, LCSW

“Wherever you go, there you are”

Growth

EMDR, Trauma, and Anxiety